Do you believe in soul mates? Why this idea plunges us into misfortune - and how we really find our love happiness.
Belief in fate in love? Not a good idea!
Are you looking for your soul mate? Do you even believe in soul mates? And is this really the way to happiness?
In answer to the latter question, the American psychologist Bjarne Holmes clearly says in the magazine Psychology Today: No!
Holmes is even of the opinion that belief in fate is harmful to love relationships. Because the idea that you have found your soul mate leads to an unfavorable inner attitude.
Why is this so?
Almost all relationships follow certain processes and phases. The phase of falling in love usually lasts only a few months. What really matters is what comes next:
How do you react when your soul mate begins to appear less perfect?
People who believe in destiny - and thus also in the soul mate that "belongs" to you, and who is out there running around and just needs to be found - tend to lose interest in the other much faster when the relationship doesn't look so rosy. And they also give it up more quickly, Holmes says. Because those who believe that they are destined for each other - or not - see relationship problems as proof that the other person may simply not be "the right one" after all:
If we were meant for each other - would we have to work so hard on our relationship?
But whether with or without "soulmates": Unfortunately, without work it is not possible!
Are you someone who can get by? That's it!
People who bite through difficulties lead longer and more successful relationships than the "soulmates", says Holmes. They know that both negative and positive things are part of life - and that all relationships go through crises.
Therefore, the best indicator of whether a relationship will last or not is how you react when things go wrong. Studies have shown that people who have a tendency to fight their way through are better able to deal with the difficulties that relationships bring.
Ask yourself these 3 questions:
Do I believe that my life is predetermined - or that the things that happen are much more related to how much energy I invest? Try to understand what you can and cannot control. And that it takes a lot of practice to become good at anything - including love.
How can I develop a romantic view on relationship work? Maybe there is no soul mate out there just waiting to be found. But with time you can get the feeling in your relationship that the other person is your soul mate. It happens when you work on your relationship, find compromises together and learn to really understand your partner.
Do I believe that my loved one can read thoughts? People who believe in fate think that their partner understands them without words, according to the motto: If he is my soul mate, he knows what I need. A dangerous fallacy that prevents important communication.